Spiritual Highway(Mile Marker 1)
Let’s begin 1st by thanking Our Heavenly Father for the Highways that have brought us here today. That’s spiritual and physical.
God knows our journey before and after our mess, yet he still sent his only son down the highway 1st so he could pave the roads, move mountains, tunnel the valleys and shape hills. He also sent his son to make sure we had a choice to maneuver our own vehicles, you know be able to get around construction zones, get through the traffic stops and traffic jams, make a choice to re-direct our path or choose an alternate route using a map or GPS.
Sometimes maneuvering a vehicle can be challenging and you may need to use a GPS or a map when you get lost. Using a GPS is easier than a map, I wasn’t much on maps but I did learn how to read one for back up. You see with man made tools, they can be misleading, you can think because it looks good, or appears to be good, it’s good for you and it was meant for you. As I’ve learned, that is not always the case.
Let me tell you a story in which I learned the difference in traveling with a man mad GPS or map instead of my God’s GPS or Jesus’s map.
It began in 2012, My vehicle wasn’t the most reliable to drive on the highway. It hadn’t had proper maintenance and proper up keep like oil changes, tune ups, etc., so you know I hadn’t prayed like I should have, I hadn’t fasted like should, I wasn’t always obedient to the word, wasn’t paying tithes like should and didn’t attend church like I should, proper maintenance. However, I chose to drive it anyway knowing it hadn’t had the proper maintenance.
Well In 2012 something happened to my vehicle while I was traveling on the highway. I thought God had sent me my soul mate, I just knew I was on the right highway. All though this man was the opposite of my type, what I dreamed of, what I prayed for in my significant other. I thought he was sent to me by God. I hadn’t realized at that time I was traveling on a completely different hwy than where I should’ve been.
This man seemed sweet, genuine and caring. The navigation system I was using appeared to have me going in the right direction, I checked my map and I saw a hwy called Sinner’s hwy. It looked familiar so I thought I was headed in the right direction. Now by the end of 2012 I had a miscarriage, I didn’t see any strange markings on my map, my navigation system seemed to still be working fine and In Dec of 2012 I got engaged to this man, again I’m thinking I’m headed in the right direction.
However! In Jan 2013 I ran into a major deadly traffic jam! My mother, best friend, my rock, my everything passed and for me life was no longer as I knew it. I no longer wanted to get married, let alone live but as I was still traveling Sinner’s hwy. I spent 6 months not wanting to live and was contemplating suicide because I didn’t want to be here without my mother. After spending months just wondering along the hwy, one day I realized something didn’t look right with my navigation system. I checked the map and it seemed ok, just a little confusing but I decided go ahead and get married anyway.
The navigation system nor the map seemed clear anymore, I didn’t recognize any of the hwy signs and the mile markers seemed off. There wasn’t any warning signs nor any signs on the marquis over the hwy . It was becoming harder to see which way I was going and to follow my map’s directions. I wasn’t even sure if I was still on Sinner’s hwy. Jeremiah 10:23 Lord I know that people’s lives are not their own, it is not for them to direct their steps and in Isaiah 48:17 This what the Lord says- your redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for your, who directs you in the way you should go. You see I’m still trying to follow my own map and my navigation system, I wasn’t letting God, nor Jesus lead or guide me.
I decided to try and maneuver through the traffic jam again however there was a major construction zone ahead. In March 2013 I found out I had fibroid tumors and needed surgery as soon as possible. At this time, I’m about to lose my job however the Dr scheduled the surgery in time for my insurance to still cover it.
So by now, I had hit a dead end on sinner’s hwy and I had very little fuel and no stations in sight. The fibroid tumors were larger than the Dr thought and he had to do a full hysterectomy instead of a partial hysterectomy. I had been traveling the wrong hwy since 2012. I spent years on Sinners Hwy and didn’t acknowledge that I was heading in the wrong direction. I was following my hand made GPS a navigation system called SNTH(SATAN’S NAVIGATION TO HELL), I was barely using the map, it was hard to read.
I ran into some more traffic jams that my navigation system nor map warned me of, in April 2018 I found out my now ex husband was spending time with a woman he wanted to be with. I asked him to file for a divorce but was still living in the house until I could find some where to go. He was texting her admitting his love for and had started inviting her into our home while I was still living there. I started sleeping in my truck randomly because there was too much pain in the house. This drama and confusion escalated and nothing but Jesus himself kept me from harms way. I mean I wanted to commit murder and had picked up a shotgun but could not move. I wanted sooo bad to shoot him, her and their friends while they were chilling in OUR back yard. Nothing but Jesus. The phrase love will make you do crazy things became real to me.
{SEE LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO THOSE OF YOU WHO CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHERE I HAVE COME FROM AND THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO JUDGE ME!—–WHEN YOU GROW UP WITH SO MANY NEGATIVES ALREADY, YOUR TOO DARK! TOO SHORT! HAIR IS TO NAPPY! NOT SMART ENOUGH! YOUR ALREADY FEELING NOT WORTHY AND WHEN YOU ADD LIFE NEGATIVE EVENTS ON TOP OF THIS; YOUR DATING SOMEONE AND END UP PREGNANT RIGHT WHEN THEY DISAPPEAR! YOU FIND YOURSELF AT A LOSS FOR LOVE AND GET PREGNANT AGAIN! YOU RAISE 2 CHILDREN ON YOUR OWN! YOU’RE RIDICULED BECAUSE YOU’RE A SINGLE MOTHER! YOUR MOTHER & BEST FRIEND DIES! THE MAN YOU THOUGHT WAS YOUR SOUL MATE IS CHEATING BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED! YOU MISCARRY, FIND OUT YOU HAVE FIBROID TUMORS AND HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY WITHIN 6 MONTHS! YOUR HUSBAND CONTINUES TO CHEAT DURING YOUR MARRIAGE! YOU TAKE ALL OF THIS AND PUT INTO ONE DARK, HEAVY, SMALL BOX AND ADD YOUR LOST, UNWORTHY, INADEQUATE, NOT PRETTY ENOUGH AND NEVER GOOD ENOUGH—YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A DARK DEPRESSED HOLE THAT YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU ARE IN! SO DON’T JUDGE, DON’T RIDICULE ME AND CERTAINLY DON’T MOCK}
Thank you
A Brand New Kind Of Me