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She was the most gorgeous woman man had ever laid eyes on, many women envied her.  She had everything going for her, at least it seemed so to everyone that met her.   However, on the inside she was lonely and unhappy.  She spent most of her time engulfed in her career to block out the lonliness.

She had a great career in corporate America, she just didn’t like that she had to dress a certain way and look a certain way.  She felt artificial and like she appeared to be shallow.  The only time she had to be herself was behind closed doors in the privacy of her home.   She could wear her jeans, sneakers and take off the wigs or weave and sport her natural short hair.

She longed to be able to get out and enjoy a regular day without all of the extras.  She often caught women staring at her and wondered what they were thinking as she was thinking I wish I could be more like you.  She didn’t really have any friends, most of the women she grew up with judged her and the women she worked with hated her.

Her assistant buzzed her and interrupted her daydreaming.  “Ms Lyles the board meeting is on schedule, they are starting to assemble in the conference room”, “thank you Kasey” she replied as she grabbed her material for the board meeting.

When she stepped inside the conference room she noticed there was a new lady sitting at the table.  She appeared to be  medium height, with dark skin, short black hair and was chattering with those around her.  I sat at an empty chair where I always sit near the end with the elite board members.

Once the meeting started, it was the usual boring informational meeting.  However at the end they introduced the new lady as Dinesha Jackson.  She’s with the sales department and she will be working closely with my department, marketing.  As everyone was dismissing and heading back out to their office or departments, the new lady, Dinesha walked up to me and introduced herself again.

She said she wanted to meet me formally as she has heard so much about me and looks forward to working with me.  I was shocked and didn’t know really how to respond.  I just stood there and nodded as I was totally speechless for the 1st time on my job in years.  I would have thought she’d heard so many negative things she wouldn’t dare want to work with me, let alone meet me.

As I walked back to my office I was still in shock and wondering what exactly was said about me.  I didn’t hear Kasey talking to me when I walked in.  She could tell something was bothering me and followed me in my office.  I assured her I was fine and just had somethings on my mind.   She shrugged in a gesture of ok and then proceeded to tell me the sales manager Dinesha Jackson called to invite me to lunch with some of the other ladies today.   She had scheduled a luncheon for meet and greet and wanted to see if I was available.  I gave Kasey a look of whatever and she dropped her head, “I already accepted she said”.  “YOU DID WHAT” I yelled.

I was so nervous, I had never been invited to anything with any of the ladies on the job before.  The only time I attended any functions with them was when it was planned for the entire office.  When I pulled up at the restaurant, I had to sit in my car a few minutes to get my self together, hearing them talk is one thing but being around them is another.

As I walked to the table the looks were exactly what I expected.  The ladies were looking at me as if  to say, what are you doing here, YOU DON’T BELONG, like I was not a woman or something.  Dinesha on the other hand got up and exclaimed Ms Lyles I didn’t think you were going to make it.  Your assistant called me back and said it looked like your meeting was going over schedule, I’m so glad you could come.

Her greeting made me feel important and I was able to endure the entire luncheon.  Over the next couple of weeks Dinesha and I; as she insisted I call her; did in fact work closely together,  We had a couple of other work luncheons together, 1 was with some of the other ladies in the office but the others were just she and I.

During our meeting today I apologized to her and explained to her that the women didn’t really like me.  She asked me why did I feel that way.  I told her honestly I believe because of my position and the way I dress.   She told me she didn’t care too much for the other ladies because they were boogie and they carried themselves that way.  She said to her they seemed fake and artificial.  When I told her that’s exactly how I felt about myself in this position she asked me why was I still in the position, better yet how did it get that way.

I couldn’t answer that question but I knew I needed to figure out what happened.  Dinesha and I realized we had a lot in common and we became friends.  She invited me to a friendly gathering at her house with a couple of ladies for just a ladies night out.  She convinced me it would be an opportunity for me to come out and be myself.  I agreed since she was the only friend I really had besides family and people I grew up with.

When I got to Dinesha’s house it was a nice cozy spot and people seemed to be really nice.  However the more I tried to socialize I noticed that people were pulling away from me.  I didn’t know why, I was being myself like Dinesha said.  I was starting to feel that I was getting those looks like what are you doing here, YOU DON’T BELONG.   I decided to leave early and told Dinesha thanks for inviting me.

On the drive home, my feelings were a little hurt, once again people are judging me and I haven’t done anything to make people dislike me.

I was relaxing watching a movie trying to forget the evening I had at Dinesha’s, when the phone rang.  It was Dinesha, asking me what happened and did I not enjoy the evening.  I explained to her what my feelings were.

Dinesha told me she wanted to be honest with me.  She explained to me that she invited me to come out and be myself, the person I had spoken about that likes to wear jeans and sneakers, not cocktail dresses and talk about my high power position.  She explained the ladies she spends time with don’t get into politics like that and tonight I displayed the opposite of whom I said I really was, the side the ladies at work complain about.  She explained that I try so hard to prove I belong that it appears I think I am better than all the other women.

She knows I am not that type of person she continued to explain but I need to figure who I am.  I realized that I am not ashamed of whom I am and that God created me individually so I DO BELONG where ever he sees fit for me to be.  She showed me it’s time for me to be me and not whom others expect me to be.

The ladies at work no longer look at me with a look saying YOU DON’T BELONG, they look at me as a woman, one of them.   I attended a couple of events at Dinesha’s during ladies night out and now they don’t give me the look of  YOU DON’T BELONG, some of them even call to see if I’m attending.  I now have friends at work and also friends I met during ladies nights out at Dinesha’s,

Often we think people don’t like us because they are being judgmental or they are just petty.  The fact is though we are the petty ones because we are ashamed to show people whom we really are.  Then there are times when we say things we shouldn’t be saying and people judge us by this.  Although no one should be judging the other, “let him who is without sin cast the first stone” as the bible says(John 8:7), unfortunately it is how society has worked for years but it’s time we decide whom matters most, society or God.

I am grateful to Jesus for blessing me to see that you can get caught up in what people think of you and the different stereo types.  If you set yourself free to be whom God created you to be, you can’t go wrong  and you won’t even hear people telling you, YOU DON’T BELONG.

A BRAND NEW KIND OF ME